


Love Me When I’m Broken

by destinyjoyxoxo



Category: Zoey 101
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trigger warnings: rape and attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22423744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destinyjoyxoxo/pseuds/destinyjoyxoxo
Summary: Quinn is struggling to cope after she's hurt and assaulted one awful night
Relationships: Quinn Pensky & Logan Reese, Quinn Pensky/Logan Reese
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Love Me When I’m Broken

Quinn nearly jumped out of her seat when she heard the bell ring loudly, signaling the end of the last class for the day. She had been dissociating again. She had been for last few weeks. Ever since that awful night, she couldn't focus on anything. Her grades were slipping and her relationships with her friends and her boyfriend were suffering. She knew all of that but right now, she couldn't be bothered by it. All she could focus on was getting back to her dorm room.

She hated being around people now, especially groups of boys. She was constantly on edge, constantly looking over her shoulder. She knew they were still out there and they could come back for her at any moment. She was safer in her dorm room alone.

She scrambled to pack her books into her bag before practically running out of the classroom, nearly tripping over her own feet in her haste to get out.

She made it two steps out of the classroom before she felt hands wrap around her waist. She let out a panicked scream and she struggled to get out of the hold she was in.

'God, please. Not again' She thought as she felt a hand cover her mouth and her eyes widened as she started fighting even harder. She was turned around in her place and she forced herself to open her eyes, wanting to see her attacker this time. She stopped struggling when she realized it was just Logan and quickly pushed him off of her with shaky hands

"What the fuck, Logan? Don't do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" She yelled as she took a step back and leaned against the lockers, taking a few deep breaths to try and center herself.

'It's just Logan. He's not gonna hurt you, you're fine. Get it together' she said to herself

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to catch you before you went back to your room" he explained

"Well you caught me. What do you want?"

Logan was caught off guard by her abrupt tone but brushed it off, taking a step towards her so they were standing closer together

"I want you to come to the lounge and hang out with all of us. We've barely seen you in weeks because you've been so busy with your quinnventions lately. We miss you"

Quinn wanted to give in, especially when he gave her those puppy dog eyes. But she couldn't. She couldn't go to the lounge and be surrounded by so many people and act like everything was normal. Her body started trembling just at the thought. She swallowed thickly and shook her head, looking everywhere but at Logan

"I can't..I have a lot of homework to do. But maybe this weekend" she said, knowing that wasn't going to happen.

Logan opened his mouth to argue, to try and convince her to change her mind but she spoke again before he got the chance

"I have to go now. I'll see you later, bye!" She said and then ran off before he could say anything else

"Umm bye" Logan said dumbly, staring confusedly in the spot she'd just been standing in.

Logan didn't know a lot of things but he knew Quinn and he knew that something wasn't right. Things hadn't been right for a while, he just didn't know how to approach her about it. Talking about feelings was never something he had been good at, but he wanted to get better at it for Quinn. He just wished she would make the first move and open up to him. He let out a heavy sigh and started the walk back towards the dorms, feeling more dejected and confused than ever.

Quinn let out a loud sigh of relief when she made it back to her dorm, locking the door behind her before she flung herself on to her bed. She was so glad that she had decided on a single room this year. She slowly sat up and took her shoes off, placing them neatly beside her bed. She put her socks in her hamper and then slowly took the rest her clothes off until she was left only in her bra and panties. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and then turned so she was facing her mirror. She opened her eyes, forcing herself to look over her body.

She felt tears spring to her eyes as she slowly ran her fingers over the bruises that covered her arms and legs. She slowly sank to the floor and brought her knees up to her chest, burying her head in them to stifle her sobs as she relived that horrible night for the millionth time. She could still hear them, laughing at her as she screamed. She could feel their hands all over her, holding her down as they took turns, hurting her and violating her in the worst possible way.

"Quinn?"

She froze when she heard name called and she slowly looked up to see Logan standing in the doorway, his copy of her room key still in his hand, and a horrified and bewildered look on his face.

Logan didn't know what to do. He just stood there, gaping at her with wide eyes, completely frozen in his place. He felt like he had been hit in the gut by a wrecking ball when he walked in and saw her sobbing on the ground. He closed the door quietly behind him and then slowly walked over to where Quinn was sitting on the floor and sat down beside her.

Quinn watched him closely, her breathing becoming more and more shallow with every step he took. Her heart was beating so rapidly it felt like it was about to beat out of her chest. She felt like a cornered animal that was about to become prey.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She yelled when she felt Logan place a hand on her thigh and she quickly moved away from him. She stood up and frantically reached for her clothes, not wanting to be exposed in front of him. She kept a close eye on him as she got dressed, not wanting to be caught off guard.

Logan had never been more confused or worried in his life. He stood up and took a small step towards her, freezing in his place when she reached for her zap watch

"Don't come any closer! I mean it" she warned and her voice would've been intimidating if Logan hadn't heard it waiver and crack slightly

"Okay, I won't. I won't come closer" he said, holding his hands up in surrender "I'm gonna sit right here, okay?" He said softly, sitting down in the chair at the end of her bed. "Now, why don't you tell me what's going on"

Quinn shook her head fervently, wrapping her arms around herself tightly. She wanted to tell him. She really did. But she knew she couldn't. Not if she wanted any chance of saving their relationship

"I-I can't" she cried "I can't tell you"

"Yes you can. You can tell me anything, Quinn. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out" he told her, wanting nothing more than for her to stop crying.

"No I can't! You'll hate me and you'll leave. I can't tell you. I just can't" she kept repeating, on the edge of another panic attack

"Quinn, I could never hate you. I love you, you know that. There's nothing you could ever say or do that would change that. Please just tell me what's going on" he pleaded

Quinn could never resist his pleading. No matter what he asked of her, she'd always give in eventually. She wanted to tell him, she really did but she couldn't help but panic even more at the thought of him knowing, her breath coming out in shallow spurts.

"It's okay. Just take a deep breath, babe. Relax, you're okay" Logan murmured, trying his best to get her to calm down. Usually when she was upset, he'd just hold her and let her cry against his chest until she'd tired herself out but he knew that wouldn't work this time.

Quinn listened to his words, her eyes closing as she focused on controlling her breathing. Once she'd calmed down, she opened her eyes but avoided looking at Logan, not wanting to see his reaction when she told him.

"A few weeks ago, I was walking back to my room late one night and...I was raped" she told him, more tears falling down her cheeks. She knew she probably should've said it more gently or with some sort of lead in but she knew if she didn't get those words out now, she never would.

Logan went completely still, staring at her in complete shock and horror. Of all the things he thought she might say, that was never one of them. He opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, wanting to say something, anything in response but unable to find the words.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you. You don't have to try to let me down gently or anything. You can just leave" she shrugged, trying to act like the thought of him leaving wasn't ripping her heart out

That snapped Logan back into reality. He recoiled at her words, shaking his head quickly

"I'm not going anywhere. Unless you want me to. Do you want me to leave?" He asked softly, chewing on his lower lip. The last thing he wanted to do was leave her but he would, if that's what she wanted.

Quinn gave him a small shake of her head in response and sat down on the foot of her bed in front of him, just wanting to be near him

"Have you told anyone else?" He asked

"No. Just you" she said simply

Logan nodded and let out a soft breath. He didn't know what to do and he was internally freaking the fuck out. His girlfriend had been hurt in the worst possible way imaginable and he knew she was depending on him for support and comfort. He wanted to be there for her, he wanted to give her any and everything she needed, but he really didn't know how. He was so scared of saying or doing the wrong thing and hurting her even more.

"Do you uh..do you wanna talk about it?"

Quinn shrugged and looked down at her lap, awkwardly playing with her fingers

"I don't know..I know you deserve to know what happened and I know people say that it gets easier to deal with after you talk about it. But I don't know if I'm ready to relive it again" she whispered, trying her hardest to not cry again.

"And that's okay. There's no right or wrong way to heal and work through this. We'll deal with this together, one step at a time, at your pace okay? Whenever you're ready to talk, I'll be here. You don't have to say or do anything until you're ready" Logan told her. He really didn't know where that came from, he was just trying his best to make her feel better. Or at least not make her feel worse.

Quinn looked up at him and gave him a small, but genuine smile. She shyly tucked a strand of her behind her ears, feeling butterflies in her stomach. It was amazing how even in her worst of times, Logan could still make her feel happy and even a little giddy. It was a side effect of love, she guessed.

"Thank you" she whispered

Logan just nodded and then cleared his throat quietly, looking at her with soft eyes. She truly was the strongest, most beautiful girl in the world to him, even when she was at her most vulnerable

"So..since I'm already here, why don't we have a movie night?" He suggested

Quinn's eyes lit up at the suggestion and she nodded quickly. She had expected him to cut and run as fast as possible when she told him so the fact that he was still here, being so sweet and supportive meant the world to her. She really didn't know how she'd gotten so lucky with him.

Quinn stood up from the bed and walked over to her movie shelf, her eyes scanning through her dvd collection. She quickly decided on The Notebook since it was her comfort movie and walked back over to Logan, who groaned when he saw the title

"Ugh Quinn, not another chick flick" he rolled his eyes but his voice held no true annoyance

"Don't pretend you don't love them, Mr. 'I cried at the end of Titanic'" she teased

"Hey, I was just thinking about how much money and expensive things were lost when it sank. Besides, you have no proof" he said and playfully stuck his tongue out at her

Quinn just giggled in response and popped the movie in the DVD player before she crawled back into her bed, feeling lighter than she had since that night. For the first time, she was thinking that she might be okay and be able to go back to normal.

Her happy, hopeful mindset was shattered not even a minute later when Logan sat down on the bed. He sat beside her but he was all the way on the edge, staying as far away from her as he could. Quinn felt her heart drop to her stomach and completely shattered as she realized that he didn't even want to touch her anymore. She was too disgusting for him now. She pressed play on the movie and leaned against her headboard, her eyes glazing over as she got lost in her own head.

Logan paid more attention to Quinn than the movie for the whole two hours. He could tell that she was on edge and clearly upset, not that he was surprised. He hated knowing she was so hurt and there was nothing he could do about it. He so desperately wanted to take her in his arms and hold her tight and never, ever let her go but he didn't know if he could. She didn't seem to be receptive to his touch and the last thing he wanted was to set her off or hurt her any more. He felt like his heart had been ripped out and tossed in a shredder when Quinn started sobbing at the end of the movie. It was obvious that she wasn't crying over Allie and Noah's deaths but was using it as an excuse to let her emotions out.

Quinn turned the tv off a few minutes after the movie ended and turned to Logan with an obviously forced smile

"Thank you for watching that with me" she said as she harshly wiped the tears off her cheeks

"Yeah, of course...are you okay?" He asked and then mentally cursed himself for being so fucking stupid. Clearly, she wasn't okay. It didn't take having an IQ of 177 to see that but he didn't know what to say or do in this situation.

"Yeah I'm fine" she nodded, giving him another forced smile that didn't reach her eyes "it's just a sad movie"

"Right" Logan nodded, trying not to be disappointed that she didn't want to open up and be honest with him. He knew he couldn't pressure her into talking, he just hated the thought of her bottling everything up "Do you want to watch another movie?"

"Nah, it's getting late" she shook her head and then forced a yawn to prove her point. "I need to get some sleep but I'll see you tomorrow"

Logan took the hint and got up from the bed, walking over to the door before turning around to face Quinn once more

"I'll come see you before class tomorrow but please call me if you need anything or just want to talk, okay? It doesn't matter what time it is"

"I'll call you if I need you" she promised even though she knew she definitely wouldn't be calling him, no matter what. She wasn't going to put any of her drama or burdens on him any more than she had to.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow" he repeated, lingering awkwardly at the door. He really didn't want to leave her alone but he knew he couldn't stay. "I love you, Quinn" he said seriously, knowing she needed to hear it

"I love you too. Goodnight" she said and gave him a little wave, waiting until he left to wrap herself up right in her blankets. She buried her face in her pillow and cried over the loss of her innocence, her happiness and her relationship until she fell into an uneasy sleep.

Quinn woke up early the next morning, which wasn't unusual for her. She'd always been a morning person which was good for her since it was nearly impossible for her to sleep through the night now. She got ready for school, wearing an oversized sweater and jeans. She didn't want to leave any part of her body exposed for anyone to see. She had just finished slipping on her shoes when she heard a light knocking on the door. She jumped slightly and quickly spun her zap watch until it was aimed at the door, ready to do her worst.

"Quinn? Are you awake?" Logan called through the door and Quinn felt relief flood through her entire body.

She walked over to the door and opened it, her hands still trembling as she slowly calmed down. She gave him a small smile in greeting and then grabbed her bag, tossing it over her shoulder

"Yeah, I'm up and ready" she said, stepping out into the hallway with him. She locked the door behind her and then turned to look up at Logan

"You didn't have to come over here. I can walk myself to class" she said, biting down on her lip. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel obligated to stay with her.

"I know. But I wanted to" he said simply as they started to walk out of the dorms and towards the school. There was so much he wanted to say, so many questions he wanted to ask but he was just at a loss. He didn't know how to handle this situation and he was so scared of upsetting her.

"So I was thinking.." Logan spoke up after a few moments of silence

"Oh dear. That's never good" Quinn interrupted, smirking up at him

"Ha ha. You're hilarious" Logan deadpanned but he couldn't stop himself from smiling. He was just so glad she was still joking around with him, even in the slightest. "But seriously. I was thinking that after school, maybe we could go off campus and get an early dinner?"

The smile was immediately wiped from Quinn's face and she looked up at Logan, her face giving away all of the worry, fear and anxiety she was feeling at the thought. Every part of her was screaming to say no but Logan looked so hopeful that she just couldn't let herself disappoint him.

"Um..yeah..sure. That sounds great" she lied, pasting on a smile and putting as much false enthusiasm in her voice as she could.

"You can say no if you want. I won't be upset" he reassured her, not wanting her to feel pressured to go out if she didn't want to. "I was just thinking it might be nice to get away from everyone and everything, at least for a few hours"

Quinn thought about it for a few minutes and then nodded up at him, smiling a bit more genuinely

"Yeah, okay" she agreed, trying to push away all of her negative thoughts and doubts.

"Awesome" Logan grinned. He was so happy she agreed to go and that she didn't seem like she was completely dreading it.

Usually in a moment like that, he would give her a hug and maybe, probably, totally make out with her a bit but now, he just stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do. He didn't want to pressure her into anything and he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way. Luckily for him, the warning bell chose that moment to ring loudly through the speakers.

"Shit, I've gotta go. Can't be late again but I'll meet you at your dorm after school" he told her

"Okay. Thanks for walking me to class" she murmured, giving him a small smile before she turned away and walked into her classroom. She kept her head down as she walked to her seat, putting all of her focus on not crying and making a scene.

The school day went by surprisingly fast and before she knew it, Logan was knocking on her door. She took a deep breath before she opened it, stepping aside to let him in.

"Hey" he greeted her with a warm smile, closing her door behind him "how was your day?"

"Fine" she shrugged. She honestly hadn't paid enough attention in any of her classes to give any sort of detail "how was yours?" She asked. Their awkward small talk made her want to climb into a dark hole and never come out. Conversation usually flowed easily between them but now it just felt so forced and she knew it was her fault.

"Boring. As usual" he chuckled, putting his hands into his pockets to stop himself from reaching out to touch her "are you ready to go?"

She just nodded and grabbed her purse, feeling all of her nerves come back at full force as they walked out of the room. She knew what this dinner was for. She knew Logan was trying to find the best way to let her down gently and she almost threw up at the thought of him leaving her. She couldn't blame him though. She'd leave her too.

"Where are we going?" She asked once they were in the car. She buckled her seatbelt and looked over at Logan curiously

"Since we can't go back to Vaccaro, I made us reservations at the Blue Heron. Apparently, they have some of the best seafood in California. Maybe this time, we'll actually get to eat the lobster we order" he laughed, shaking his head as he thought back on that disastrous night

Quinn chuckled, her body starting to relax a bit at the sound of Logan's voice and his laugh. She was starting to think that she was just overthinking things and that this dinner wouldn't end up with her heartbroken and alone. She really hoped so anyways.

"I promise I won't kick you in the face this time"

"I'm holding you to that" he warned her, his eyes and smile bright as he glanced over at her

They arrived at the restaurant about twenty minutes later and Logan parked the car as close to the door as he could. He quickly got out and hurried around to open Quinn's door for her, shutting it gently behind her.

"Thank you" she said softly, her stomach doing flips again, but this time it was out of love.

They walked inside the restaurant and Quinn immediately knew it was a bad idea. She froze up at the door, looking around at everyone inside. The place was packed with people. She suddenly felt hot all over and she found herself frantically looking around for all of the exit points.

"Quinn? You okay?" Logan asked softly, watching her with concerned eyes

Quinn startled when she heard Logan say her name and she looked up at him with wide eyes, her heart beating rapidly in her chest

"Hmm? Oh yeah..yeah I'm fine. Just taking it all in. It's so beautiful" she lied, turning away from him once more. She closed her eyes for a moment and took in a breath before letting herself be led to the table.

She sat down in her seat and immediately opened her purse, fishing around inside of it until she found her pepper spray. She pulled out the small spray can and set it on the table beside her, covering it with a napkin so it wasn't seen by the staff but was easily accessible if she needed it.

"Quinn..what is that?" Logan asked slowly, his voice laced with worry as he watched her cover the bottle with a napkin.

"Pepper spray" she said matter of factly as she reached for her menu, as if it was completely normal and reasonable to have a can of pepper spray on the dinner table. To her, it was perfectly reasonable though. She didn't know what could happen to her while she was surrounded by all of these people.

"Okay" Logan just nodded and reached for his own menu. There was a lot he wanted to say but he just let it go for now. If it made her feel better and helped her relax in any way, who was he to tell her to put it away?

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes as they looked over their menus, only putting them down when the waiter came over to see if they were ready.

"Thank you for bringing me here. It's really nice" she said, looking up at Logan once they'd given the waiter their orders

"You don't need to thank me, it's my pleasure. It's been too long since we've had some time together, just the two of us"

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry" she whispered and looked down at her lap, her cheeks heating up with shame. She knew it was all her fault that they hadn't spent time together. It was her fault that she was so distant and fucked up.

"Hey, no need to be sorry. We're here now and we're gonna have a good time with some good food. That's all that matters" he said and he meant it. He didn't want her blaming herself for anything.

Quinn looked back up at him, shyly tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. She was just in awe of him once again. She couldn't help but think about how wrongly she'd judged him for so long before they'd gotten together. She was just so glad that their relationship had changed and not a day went by where she didn't realize how lucky she was.

"Okay. Okay, you're right. Let's make the most of this night" she said, sitting up a bit straighter in her seat. Now that it was becoming clear to her that Logan didn't bring her here to dump her, she was determined to have a good time and just enjoy a night with her boyfriend like a normal teenage girl.

She was able to do that for a while. They joked and laughed through nearly their entire dinner and it was the most relaxed Quinn had been in weeks. She hadn't realized just how much she'd needed some time for just her and Logan, some time to forget what had happened to her, even if it was only for a couple of hours.

All of her happiness and peacefulness faded instantly when she heard a group of boys laughing quite loudly at a table across the room. In her mind, she was no longer at a fancy restaurant with her boyfriend. She was back in that alley behind PCA with a group of boys holding her down and laughing as they all took turns destroying her.

She froze in her seat, her fork clanking loudly against her plate as she involuntarily dropped it. Her entire body was shaking and she couldn't take a breath if her life depended on it. She vaguely heard Logan calling her name but the sound was muffled and distorted, drowned out by the incessant ringing in her ears. She felt tears falling down her cheek but there was nothing she could do to stop them. She slid out of her seat and onto the floor, hiding herself under the table. She pulled her knees up tightly to her chest and buried her face in them, rocking herself back and forth, her panic increasing with every passing second.

Logan had never been more confused, worried or absolutely terrified in his life. Quinn has done a complete 180 within seconds and he barely had time to register her change before she was huddled on the floor under the table. He could feel people's eyes on him but he didn't care. All he cared about was making sure Quinn was okay. He quickly got out of his chair and sat down under the table, his heart breaking in his chest at the sight of her. He didn't even know it was possible for her to be so vulnerable, she was always so strong and confident.

"Quinn..baby, can you hear me?" He asked softly, not wanting to startle her or upset her any further

Quinn stilled at the sound of his voice and slowly nodded against her thighs in response but she made no effort to move from her spot.

"Okay, good. That's good" he murmured, mostly to himself "I need you to listen to me, okay? You're completely safe. You're okay. No one is going to hurt you, I promise. You're okay"

Quinn slowly looked up and over at Logan, her eyes still wide with panic. She heard his words clearly but she still couldn't shake off her anxiety or terror.

"There's my girl" Logan said softly when Quinn looked over at him. He was so relieved that she seemed to be listening to him and calming down a bit. "Why don't we get out from under this table and head back to PCA? We can relax in your room, watch movies or something"

Quinn nodded and slowly put her legs down, her cheeks heating up with pure shame and embarrassment as she started to crawl out from under the table.

Logan hurried to stand up first, not wanting her to be alone for even a second. He instinctively reached out to help her up, his mind momentarily blanking on the situation they were in. He mentally cursed himself out in every way possible when Quinn violently flinched away from him, shaking her head fervently

"No, don't touch me. Please no more. Not again, please" she sobbed, drawing her knees up to her chest again. Before he had a moment to react, the restaurant hostess came up to him and told him that he had to calm her down or leave. As if he wasn't fucking trying to do that already.

He hated himself for what he was about to do but he knew he didn't have a choice. He threw some money on the table to cover their check and a generous tip before he reached under the table and gently pulled her out, picking her up so he was cradling her against his chest

"No! Let me go! Let me fucking go, don't fucking touch me!" Quinn screamed, beating on Logan's chest as she desperately fought to get out of his grasp.

Logan wanted to cry as he quickly carried Quinn out to the car, keeping a tight hold on her. He sat her down in the passenger seat once he reached the car and she almost immediately calmed down. She slowly turned so she was facing Logan, her eyes widening in horror as she realized what had just happened

"Oh god. Oh my god, Logan. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry" she kept repeating, burying her face in her hands as she started sobbing once more, this time out of guilt

Logan was almost positive he didn't even have a heart anymore because it was just completely shattered and ripped apart. He kneeled down on the ground beside the car, not even caring that he was getting his extremely expensive pants dirty, wanting to be eye level with her

"Quinn..look at me, babe" he said softly, chewing harshly on his lip

Quinn slowly turned so she was facing Logan, not wanting to upset him further by not doing as he asked

"Please stop apologizing. It's not your fault and I'm not mad, okay?" He reassured her

"You should be. You should be mad, Logan. I completely ruined our dinner and embarrassed you because I'm so fucked up" she spat, feeling nothing but anger and hatred towards herself

"Hey, don't say that" Logan said sternly, shaking his head "you are not fucked up and you didn't ruin anything. And you never embarrass me, Quinn. What happened to you isn't your fault and it's going to take some time for you to heal. You have to be patient with yourself"

"I'm so sick of this" Quinn whispered, feeling like she was about to throw up. "I'm so sick of feeling like this, Logan. I just want it to stop. I want everything to stop"

"I wish I could take your pain away, baby. But I can't do that. But you don't have to deal with it alone, okay? I'm here with you, every step of the way. If you want to talk or yell or just cry, I'm here to listen." he promised

"Can we go back to campus?" Quinn asked, her voice sounding dull and empty with defeat

"Yeah, of course" Logan nodded and walked around to the drivers seat. He climbed in and started the car, beginning the half an hour drive back to PCA.

Quinn got out of the car before Logan had even turned the engine off, anxious to get back to the comfort and safety of her room. Logan quickly ran to catch up with her, not wanting her to walk alone. They stayed silent as they walked back to her dorm and Quinn immediately walked over to her closet when they made it inside. She grabbed a pair of pajamas and went to the bathroom to change. She came back in a few minutes later and sat down on her bed, looking up at Logan who was standing against the wall

"Sit with me? She asked shyly, patting the bed beside her. Logan didn't have to be asked twice. He immediately went over at sat down beside her, giving her a small smile

"Um..if your offer still stands, I'd like to tell you what happened" she said quietly, her stomach twisting with nerves

Logan swallowed thickly but nodded immediately, trying to hide how nervous he was to hear this. He didn't want to make her change her mind

"Of course. But only if you're ready"

"I don't think I'll ever be ready. But I need to do this. I need to get it out and I trust you. I want you to know" she said softly and then took a deep breath to collect herself and her thoughts

"It was a few weeks ago, I had been studying at the library really late because I had a test the next morning. I was walking back to my dorm around 10 pm. I was tired and I knew I needed to get some rest. As I was headed back, I got cornered by a group of boys. There were 4 of them. At first, they were just catcalling me and saying some pretty vulgar stuff but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. But when they realized that I wasn't gonna stop and give them a reaction, they got angry. They circled around me, blocked all of my exits. They forced me down on the ground.." she paused, taking a few moments to prepare herself for what she was about to say. "They forced me down on the ground a-and they raped me. Two of them held me down, one covered my mouth and one of them raped me. And then they all took turns. They hurt me so bad, Logan. And I couldn't do anything but fucking lay there and let them do it" she cried, no longer able to hold it in

Logan had tears in his eyes by the time she finished her story but he forced them back, knowing he had to be strong for Quinn. He was feeling a mix of so many emotions that he was starting to feel a bit dizzy. He was angry. Angrier than he'd ever been. He wanted nothing more than to find the vile boys that had hurt her and fucking kill them. He wanted to hurt them so much worse than they'd hurt Quinn. But he knew that wasn't the reaction that Quinn needed right now so he pushed it away, at least for now.

"You didn't let them do anything, babe. This wasn't your fault. The only people that are to blame are the disgusting monsters that hurt you" he told her. He'd do anything to make her believe him.

Quinn sniffled quietly and wiped the tears off her cheeks as she looked up at Logan. She nodded slightly at his words but she still didn't believe him. She knew it was her fault. It was her fault for being out so late. It was her fault for not fighting harder. It was her fault she was weak.

"Will you hold me?" She asked him quietly, a blush rising on her cheeks. She felt so pathetic for asking him and she could feel the guilt pooling in her stomach at the thought of pressuring him into touching her and being with her but she needed him. She needed his love and affection. She needed to feel safe in his arms.

Logan barely let her finish the question before he was gathering her in his arms. He gently pulled her into his lap and held her tightly, rocking her gently as she began to cry again against his chest.

"I've got you, you're okay. Everything is gonna be okay" he whispered, pressing soft kisses into her hair. He gently stroked her back, tracing nonsensical patterns against her skin through her shirt "I love you and I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere"

Quinn clung on to him for dear life, afraid that he'd disappear if she let go. She nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck and inhaled his comforting scent. She ran her hands up the back of his shirt, doing anything she could to feel closer to him

"Thank you" she whispered when she'd stopped crying. She knew she didn't deserve Logan but she was so grateful to have him. She really didn't know what she'd do without him. She felt her eyes start to droop, exhaustion taking over her body. She forced herself to pull away from Logan's hold and looked up at him, her eyes tired red and swollen from all her crying but still full of love.

"I think I'm gonna lay down, I'm really tired" she told him, giving him an apologetic look

Logan nodded and stood up from the bed, pulling the covers up over Quinn and tucked her in when she laid down

"I'll come here in the morning before class, okay?" He asked and she just nodded in response "sleep well and call me if you need me"

"I will" she promised "I love you, Logan"

"I love you too. Goodnight" he said softly before he shut off her light and quietly left the room.

Quinn pulled the blankets up higher and rolled over on her side so she was facing the door, not wanting her back to it. She closed her eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep, completely exhausted from the days events.

Logan stayed true to his word every day for the next two weeks. He came to her room before school started to check on her and walk her to class and he would meet her after her last class so he could walk her back to her room and hang out with her until curfew. Quinn was very rarely by herself anymore but she had never felt more alone. Logan still refused to initiate any affection. He'd hug her or wrap his arm around her shoulder but only if she did it first or came out and asked for it. It had been so long since she'd felt truly wanted by him and she was about to lose her mind.

Everything went from bad to worse one Friday afternoon. Logan had walked her back to her room after school, like normal, and they were sitting on Quinn's bed, watching tv. Or rather, they were pretending to watch tv since neither of them were able to focus on the screen. Quinn was so tired of this. She was tired of being so close to him but feeling miles apart. She was tired of feeling unwanted and unloved and she was going to do something about it. She turned the tv off and set the remote down on her side table, not wanting any distractions.

"What are you do-" Logan was cut off mid sentence by Quinn suddenly straddling his lap and attacking his lips in a heated kiss.

She took his hands and placed them around her waist before tangling her hands in his hair. She tugged on it gently and tilted her head to deepen their kiss, shoving her tongue in his mouth as she grinded her hips against him

Logan was frozen in complete shock for a few minutes before he realized what was happening and pulled away from the kiss

"Quinn, what are you doing?" He asked, trying to stop his body from reacting to her touch. He knew he couldn't give in to his desires, no matter how badly he missed her and her body.

Quinn didn't answer him. Instead, she started kissing down his neck, nipping and sucking at his skin every so often. She untangled her hands from his hair and reached down to try to unbutton his pants, desperate to get him undressed

"Quinn. Quinn, stop it" Logan said, trying to keep his voice gentle as he reached for her hands, moving them away from his zipper

Quinn looked up at him, nibbling on her lower lip as she fluttered her eyelashes at him

"Why? Don't you wanna fuck me, baby? Because I want you to fuck me. Fuck me hard and fast. Claim me as your own. Make me yours again" she said lowly and it all clicked for Logan then

"Hey.. you're already mine. And I'm yours. Nothing has changed that. You don't need to do this" he said softly "Rushing your healing process and trying to force yourself to do things before you're ready is just going to make things harder. You're not ready for this"

Quinn pulled herself off of his lap, running a trembling hand through her hair. She knew he was lying and trying to turn it around on her. She wasn't stupid though. She knew this had nothing to do with her healing and everything to do with how unattractive and damaged she was to him now. She had never felt so rejected, humiliated and disgusting in her entire life.

"Get out" she muttered angrily

Logan's eyes widened slightly and he looked over at her in shock. He didn't know how he expected her to react but anger never even crossed his mind

"What?" He asked, wanting to make sure he heard her correctly

"You heard me. Get the fuck out! Leave!"

"Why? What did I do?" He asked, not understanding why she was so angry

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, LOGAN!" She screamed, getting off the bed so she could pull him up as well. She forcefully pushed him out the door and slammed it behind him, making sure it was locked.

She collapsed on the floor in front of her bed after she's closed the door and started sobbing. She didn't know if she'd cried so hard in her life. She couldn't get air in her lungs and she was nearly hyperventilating from the force of her sobs.

Logan stared at the door for a few minutes after she slammed it in his face, still in complete shock. He could hear her crying and it shattered his heart more and more with each passing second. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave her alone, especially when she was so worked up and upset. But he didn't want to push her too far or make her feel cornered and attacked either. He sighed heavily and decided to leave and give her some space. He pulled out his phone and sent her a text message as he walked back to his room

'I'm sorry for anything I said or did that hurt you. The last thing I ever want to do is upset you. I love you so much'

Quinn jumped at the sound of her phone dinging, alerting her of a new message. She debated ignoring it but ultimately decided to get up to check it. She walked over to her desk and picked it up, her crying increasing when she read the message from Logan. She was overcome with guilt and regret for kicking him out but she knew she couldn't call him back now. She put her phone on her night std and went to sit on her bed when she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

She stood there, just staring at herself in pure disgust. She didn't even recognize herself anymore. Gone was the fun loving, spunky, creative girl she used to be. She had been destroyed. In her place was a damaged, worthless, disgusting, shell of a human being. She knew she'd never be happy or normal again, that Logan wouldn't touch or love her anymore so what was the point of living.

She stumbled slightly, nearly falling back onto her bed when those thoughts entered her mind. It terrified her at first. She didn't want to die..did she? The more she thought about it, maybe she did. It would take all of her pain away and it would take the burden of being with her off of Logan. They'd both be better off.

She got up from her bed and walked into the bathroom, grabbing of her bottle of pain medicine before going back into her room and locking the door once more. She sat down on her bed and opened the bottle, pouring a handful of pills in her hand. She stared at them, her hands shaking so bad she kept dropping some, trying to work up the nerve to take them. Even in death, she was weak.

She sat there for a few hours, working through every pro and con of her life. She tried to think of reasons why she shouldn't do this but she kept coming up short. The only good thing she could think about was Logan and her friends and she knew that they'd all be so much better without her.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, steadying herself before she took a handful of pills. She grimaced as she swallowed them dry, gagging slightly at the bitter taste. She didn't let that stop her though. She didn't hesitate this time as she took another handful and then another, until the bottle was completely empty. She sat the empty bottle on her nightstand and then grabbed her phone. She opened up Logan's message, reading it over and over before typing out a quick reply. She could feel her eyes becoming heavy and her heartbeat was slowing down. She knew she didn't have much time left and she didn't want the last thing she ever said to him be 'get the fuck out'

'I can't take the pain anymore. I'm sorry. I'll always love you' she sent and then put her phone down. She closed her eyes and folded her hands over her chest, ready to drift off into a peaceful sleep forever.

Logan nearly fell out of his bed when he heard his phone go off. He reached for it immediately, letting out a breath of relief when he saw Quinn's name across his screen. He'd been going out of his mind with worry every since she'd kicked him out and he was just so happy to hear from her. His relief and happiness was instantly replaced with worry and pure terror when he read her message though. He didn't want to think the worst but it was more than obvious what her message meant. He jumped out of bed and ran as fast as he could to her dorm, knocking into quite a few students on his way.

He made it to her room in record time, wasting no time with knocking on her door. He immediately reached into his pocket for his key and unlocked her door, cursing his trembling fingers for slowing him down

"Oh my god" he breathed out, feeling like he was about to throw up. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His beautiful, amazing girlfriend was laying still and lifeless on her bed, an empty pill bottle on her bedside table

"No, don't you fucking do this" he muttered as he rushed over to her, feeling for her pulse. He let out a relieved sob when he felt the faintest pulse and quickly reached for his phone to call 911. He gave them the information and her room number before hanging up and grabbed Quinn's hand

"Don't you dare die on me, Quinn. You can't leave me like this" he cried, squeezing her hand tightly. He'd never felt more useless in his life. His girlfriend was literal moments away from death and there was nothing he could do except wait for help. Thankfully, it took the paramedics less than ten minutes to get there and before he knew it, he was being shoved aside as they lifted her onto a stretcher.

He followed them out, ignoring everyone's questions and comments. He'd explain everything to their friends later but right now, he could only focus on Quinn.

He rode in the back of the ambulance, watching with wide eyes as they pumped Quinn's stomach to get the pills out. They managed to save her before they even got to the hospital and Logan had never been more relieved in his life.

They rushed Quinn into a room as soon as they arrived at the hospital and then they pushed Logan out of the room, telling him that she had to be monitored on suicide watch for 72 hours and that she couldn't have visitors during that time. Logan wanted to fight and argue but he knew it was pointless. He forced himself to leave. Leave the hospital and the love of his life behind for the next three days.

He drove back to PCA in complete silence, not even turning the radio on to distract him from his thoughts, his body moving on autopilot. He quickly ran to Quinn's room when he arrived on campus, hiding his face to avoid being seen by anyone. He knew everyone had questions, especially Zoey, Chase, Michael and Lola, and he knew they deserved answers, but he didn't know what to say to them. He didn't know how to even begin to explain everything that had happened and he didn't know what Quinn wanted them to know.

He sat down on Quinn's bed and pulled out his phone, his hands shaking as he typed in his password. He created a group text with all of their friends and shot them a quick message to let them know that Quinn was gonna be okay before muting the chat.

He laid down on her bed and rolled over on his side, trying to get comfortable. He nuzzled his face against her pillow and let himself be comforted by her familiar scent. He wrapped himself up tightly in her blankets, pretending it was her instead, and finally let himself cry.

Once he started crying, he didn't stop. He cried for hours as his mind replayed everything that had happened and everything Quinn had told him over the past few weeks. He'd never felt so weak and pathetic in his life. His girlfriend had been horribly violated and she was hurting beyond belief and there was nothing he could do. Nothing he did to make her feel better actually worked and he hated it. He just wanted her to be happy again.

Logan continued to lay there and cry until he fell asleep, feeling more comfortable than he had in weeks. He'd have rathered Quinn actually be there and not in the hospital under suicide watch but he had to take what he could get.

Logan stayed locked up in her room for the next three days, only moving from the ends when he had to answer the door to get the food he ordered. Not that he ended up eating it anyways, he hadn't had an appetite since Quinn told him what happened to her.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when his cell phone rang, the unexpected noise startling him. He was so used to the silence. He scrambled to answer it when he saw it was the hospital calling him. He was out of the bed and putting his shoes on before they could even finish telling him what he'd been waiting three days to hear. Quinn could come home.

He rushed out of the room and to his car, barely closing the door before speeding off. He made it to the hospital in record time, waiting impatiently in the check in line. He told the receptionist what he was there for when it was finally his turn and before too long, Quinn was standing in front him.

Logan almost started crying again from pure joy and relief when he saw her but the look on her face stopped him. She looked totally disinterested and honestly, completely unhappy to see him

"Hey.." he said, biting his lip gently "I've missed you so much"

"Mmhm" she hummed, crossing her arms over her chest, tilting her head at him in almost challenging way "get me the hell out of here"

Logan was a bit taken aback by her attitude but he didn't let it faze him. She'd been through a lot, to say the very least, he couldn't expect for her to be jumping for joy right now. He quickly opened the door for her and led her to the car, closing the door behind her once she got in and then walked around the car, climbing in the drivers seat. He looked over at her as he started the car and slowly started to back out of the parking lot

"Are you hungry? We could stop and get some lunch" he suggested

"Nope. Just take me back to PCA" she said and then turned the radio on, signaling the end of their conversation

Logan knew there was something wrong, something besides the obvious, but he also knew it was best to not push her, especially while they were in a moving vehicle.

Logan didn't say another word for the rest of the drive and neither did Quinn and Logan wanted to pull his hair out. He was stuck in his head for the entire drive and that was never good for anyone.

Quinn got out of the car as soon as Logan parked and slammed the door behind her, stalking off towards her room without so much as a glance in Logan's direction. Logan sighed heavily, letting out a loud groan as he rested his forehead against the steering wheel. He genuinely didn't know what he'd done to upset her but he was hoping and praying with everything he had that it wouldn't be hard to fix. He absolutely hated when she was upset with him. He waited a few more minutes before he got out of the car and followed after her, catching up with her just before she reached her room.

Quinn turned around when she heard footsteps behind her, rolling her eyes when she saw Logan behind her. She walked inside of her room and slammed the door shut before Logan could follow her in. She locked the door behind her and sat down on her bed, pulling her shoes and socks off before getting comfortable

Logan frowned when Quinn slammed the door in his face and he would have been mildly irritated if he wasn't so worried. The last thing he wanted was for her to be alone right now.

"Quinn?" He called, knocking lightly at the door "Can I come in, please?"

"No! Go away" she yelled, throwing one of her shoes at the door.

Logan flinched at the unexpected, loud thud but didn't let it scare him away. He sighed as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the key to the room, stepping inside after he unlocked the door

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Quinn muttered to herself when she saw the lock turn. She was really starting to regret giving him that damn key

"Okay, you have to stop doing that!" She exclaimed when he walked into the room "I locked the door for a reason. Get. Out."

"No. I'll sit at your desk and won't look at or talk to you, if that's what you what. But I'm not leaving you alone"

"Why not? You've proven to be really good at it" she sneered, glaring up at him

"What do you mean?" Logan asked, shaking his head in confusion

"You've left me alone for weeks, Logan. You don't need to pretend you care now because I tried to off myself" she snapped, standing up from the bed so she was eye level with him

Logan recoiled at her words, flinching as if he'd been slapped. Hearing her say those words so bluntly and accusing him of not caring about her made him want to throw up

"What the hell are you talking about? I've been with you nearly every second of every day for the last two weeks!" He said loudly, his frustration getting the better of him "How can you stand there and say I've left you alone? And that I don't care about you? I love you more than anything and you know that!"

"All I know is that ever since I told you what happened to me, you've barely touched me! I have to practically beg you to even hold my hand. That doesn't feel like love to me" she shrugged "but it's okay. I'm over it. I expected it, honestly. I knew as soon as you found out, it'd be over between us. I knew I'd be too disgusting and damaged for the perfect, Logan Reese. I expected you to leave me when things got messy and difficult. What I didn't expect was for you to lead me on and pretend like you care just long enough to humiliate me. I knew you were a jerk but I didn't know you were evil. Guess the joke was on me, as usual" she said casually, trying to act like she was unbothered, like her heart wasn't breaking more and more with each passing second.

Logan stood there in stunned silence, his eyes wide and shining with tears as he took in her words. He had never been so hurt in his life. Hearing the love of his life, the girl he'd die and kill for, accuse him of such awful things and call him those horrible names made him want to rip his own heart out of his chest. He sniffled softly, fighting to keep his tears back since Quinn's eyes were dry

"You're not disgusting or damaged, Quinn. What happened to you was awful and horrific but it doesn't define you. It doesn't change your heart or who you are as a person. And it sure as hell doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm not that fucking shallow" he said bitterly. He saw Quinn's she's soften and she looked like she wanted to say something but he continued before she could. "All I've wanted to do ever since you told me is hold you. The only reason I haven't is because whenever I did try to touch you, you'd freak out. I didn't want to set you off or trigger you or cause you to have another breakdown or panic attack. So I waited until you reached out to me. Everything I've done or said these past few weeks has been for you and your recovery. Everything I've done and said this past year and a half has been for you. So for you to stand there and call me a jerk and say I'm evil is just..it hurts, Quinn" he said, his voice breaking slightly

Quinn looked up at him sadly, feeling nothing but regret and deep hatred for herself flood her body. She sat down on the bed, feeling too weak to stand on her own two feet.

"I'm sorry" she whimpered, tears pouring down her cheeks "I'm so sorry, Logan. I'm so sorry" she sobbed, desperate for him to forgive her. She really didn't know what came over her, she didn't mean anything she said. She was just hurt and scared and she lashed out and now she was terrified that she ruined the best thing that ever happened to her

Logan swallowed thickly, hating the sight of her tears more than anything. He sat down beside her and carefully wrapped his arms around her, giving her time to pull away if she wanted. When she made no effort to move, he wrapped his arms around her tightly and rocked her gently back and forth to calm her down

"Shh, don't cry. It's okay. Everything is okay. I'm not mad or upset with you, I promise. Just take a breath and calm down" he murmured, stroking her hair tenderly

"Why did you save me?" She mumbled against his chest

"What did you say?" Logan asked quietly, pulling away from the hug just enough so he could look down at her

"Why did you save me?" She repeated "I wanted to die. You should've just let me die" she whispered

"You don't mean that.."

"Yes I do! I wanted to fucking die, Logan! That's why I took the pills. Even you're smart enough to put those pieces together" she snapped

Logan didn't respond to her insult but he couldn't deny that it stung a bit. He knew she really didn't mean it though, it was just a defense mechanism for her

"Talk to me, Quinn. Tell me why you felt that way" he pleaded softly

Quinn shook her head, running a shaky hand through her hair as she completely pulled away from him

"You don't understand, Logan. You don't understand what it's like to be so violated..so hurt. The pain is never ending. It's like you're in the ocean and a wave crashes on top of you but before you can get up, a tsunami hits and you're drowning with no chance of survival. The only way to stop feeling the pain is to stop feeling anything at all" she said, her voice quiet with defeat and exhaustion

"There's always a chance of survival" he said, reaching for her hands. He laced their fingers together and squeezed her hand gently "I know that you feel like you can't overcome this but you can. And you will. I know you will. Because you're a fighter, Quinn. You're the strongest person I've ever met. You can get through this. And I'll be right here with you, every step of the way"

Quinn wrapped her arms around Logan in a tight hug, burying her face in his neck as she cried softly

"Thank you" she murmured against his skin, holding him as close as she could "I love you, Logan"

"I love you too" he said, hugging her back just as tightly "I love you so much"

He pulled away after a few more minutes and looked down at her, cupping her cheek gently

"How do you feel about making an appointment with the school psychologist?" He asked gently, scared of her reaction "I just think it might help to talk with a professional, you know? Of course you can always talk to me as well" he added quickly, not wanting her to think he was brushing her off.

Quinn was quiet for a few minutes as she thought about it. She knew she couldn't depend on Logan for everything. She couldn't put that on him. Besides, he didn't have all the answers and she knew that. He could only do so much. The thought of actually talking to a therapist and telling someone else what happened to her scared the absolute fuck out of her but she knew she needed to do it.

She nodded slowly and let out a shaky breath, leaning into Logan's touch

"I'll do it" she agreed, her stomach doing flips when Logan's eyes lit up and he smiled at her, pure pride on his face. She reached for her phone and quickly dialed the number before she could chicken out, setting up an appointment for the next day.

It may have been a small step towards her recovery but she was still proud of herself for making it. She still had a long way to go towards recovery, she knew that. She knew she wasn't going to get better overnight. She knew that there were still going to be plenty of sleepless nights and horrible nightmares. But she had a glimmer of hope, however small it may have been, that she was going to be okay.

She wasn't perfectly okay at the moment, she was far from it actually, but she knew that she would be. It was going to be an uphill battle but with her recovered strength and determination and Logan's love and support, it was a battle she knew she would win.


End file.
